They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Randomize
