dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
