Have you finally orgasmed yet?
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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