i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
