Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
You left your phone here
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