I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
