either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
