Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
