True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
