just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
do herpes really smell.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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