i was born a porn star she said
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
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