I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
