I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Sorry my hands just texted you
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
