too bad you live with your parents still
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
two words: eviction party
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
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