It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
