Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
