Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
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