Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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