I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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