batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Randomize
