After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
