don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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