If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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