He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
