well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
