so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
