She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
