my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
