remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
