Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
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