i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
