Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
