dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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