Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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