standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
tell me about the eggs
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
