I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
How external is "for external use only"?
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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