He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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