i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
