just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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