wanna go halves on a baby?
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Randomize
