Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
the day after is always just damage control
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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