So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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