guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
