I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Randomize
