I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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