So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
