you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
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