from now on my penis is your penis
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize
