Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
