Already got asked if we're dating
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize