I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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