Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
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