I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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