Don't you send me to vm
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
