I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
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