Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
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