so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
