I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
