so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
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