too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
