Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
