adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
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