im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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