batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Randomize
