Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
