So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
