Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Well I just put wine in my tea
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
