I accidentally burped into my bong.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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