2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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