it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
