you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
