I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Randomize
