My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Randomize
