I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
