Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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